I recently attended a gorgeous wedding reception for a close family member. Meandering around the reception hall, I marveled at the attention to detail: from fresh flowers adorning banisters to beautiful table settings and special activities to entertain the kids, every moment and aspect of the event was perfectly pre-determined.

As I enjoyed the fabulous event, I thought to myself: “could I plan anything with this level of detail?” My immediate response to myself was “nah…probably not.” 😂 And thus, this blog post topic was born. Deliberate or spontaneous: what do these personality traits look like, and is one better than the other?

Deliberate or Spontaneous? The Case for Being Deliberate 

Now, I’ll admit: I’m exaggerating a bit. If I needed to plan a fabulous event, I’m sure I could muster up the energy and focus to make it happen. That said, we all know those people who seem to thrive on blueprints, plans, and structure. They’re armed with their daily planners, calendars, to-do lists, and task management systems that keep them on track. They may have consistent or even elaborate daily routines that they stick to with military-style commitment. Further, these people are often the picture of success. They’re fit, healthy, organized, well-rounded, successful, and moving toward their goals. 

Deliberate people know what they want. Above all, this is their defining characteristic. This laser focus allows them to identify the steps they need to take now for their future success. Even if the steps aren’t clear, someone who is both motivated and deliberate will know that taking ANY step toward the ideal is better than nervously fidgeting at the start line.

Take the story of Vincent Van Gogh. He suffered failure after failure during his life, but is now one of the most recognized and celebrated artists ever. Van Gogh bounced around and faced one stinging rejection after another before devoting himself to art. He produced his works feverishly, creating over 2,000 paintings in a decade. One person bought a single painting during his lifetime. Yet his fixation on his want led him to pick up his paintbrush daily with no guarantee of success. 

Van Gogh didn’t get to see the fruits of his labors and tragically took his own life. His story is often examined for the lessons it offers about handling rejection and failure, but it also showcases the power of being deliberate. Once Van Gogh honed in on his true passion, he pursued it with incredible vigor. He received little recognition or validation for his work during his lifetime and had no inkling of his posthumous success. Despite this, his passion was his sole focus. 

There are many other examples of artists, entrepreneurs, celebrities, and everyday people who march toward their dreams with discipline and dedication. Undoubtedly, being deliberate yields impressive results. You don’t build your dream business, achieve your ideal figure, or reach your fullest potential in a sport or hobby without some degree of deliberation. 

Deliberate people often develop other useful life skills. Goal-oriented people have to develop an arsenal of skills to achieve their goals. These might include:

• Organization: It’s nearly impossible to get from A to Z without some sort of plan – especially if you’re traveling through uncharted territory. Being organized goes hand-in-hand with being intentional about your actions. 
• Discipline: Do you ever feel like you’re doing the same things day in and day out, with little to no obvious results? Disciplined people may feel this way at times, but they push through the lulls and focus on reaching the breakthrough moments that inevitably come with…
• Consistency: This is another key skill that disciplined people develop. Doing the same things over and over + focusing on learning and improvement + seeking and implementing feedback = consistency (and better results over time). 
• Confidence: It feels good to master a skill. There is a natural boost that comes with knowing what you’re doing, and that confidence can impact other key areas of your life, as well. 

Life’s natural challenges can derail even the most focused people, so it’s normal for routines to ebb and flow a bit. Fundamentally, though, deliberate people benefit from their outcome-oriented nature. I often think of the discipline and focus required to follow through with elaborate plans – from long educational journeys (like graduate programs or specialized trainings) to growing businesses or competing in high-level sports, disciplined people constantly have to maintain focus on the end goal. 

Deliberate people may have stronger boundaries. Whether you’re naturally deliberate or spontaneous, it’s essential to set boundaries in your life for your mental health and safety. Deliberate people may find this easier to do than their spontaneous counterparts. When you have big goals, you must safeguard your time, availability, and resources. Some of the most deliberate people I know struggle at times with others thinking they’re “selfish” for prioritizing their wants and needs. But as long as you have a healthy balance, there are benefits to drawing hard lines around what you and aren’t willing to give to others. 

The Case for Being Spontaneous

Now we’re getting into territory that I understand: spontaneity! We all know those zesty people who seem to do the most random things on a whim. From the outside, they might appear aimless, uncertain, unconfident, or unintentional in their approach to life. And to be fair, I can understand why people would react this way to highly spontaneous personalities. After all, it’s tiring to hear a person talk about how they’re happy and want to stay in their job, but then to fantasize about becoming a zookeeper or an architect the next day. People like having spontaneous friends because they tend to be a lot of fun, but it’s easy to classify them as flighty or flippant. However, I’d argue that spontaneity breeds some unexpected superpowers. 

Spontaneous people can often go with the flow. Of course, I’m generalizing here (I’m generalizing with ALL of these assumptions). But do you know many spontaneous people who are uptight, stick-in-the-mud people who can’t deal with last-minute plan changes? I sure don’t! Spontaneous people often manage the minor ups and downs of life with ease. Since they naturally think in flexible terms, it’s easier for them to course correct when rain ruins amusement park plans or a friend bails out on an upcoming commitment. The ability to stop stressing about little things has a compounding effect that can lead to more happiness and peace over time. 

Spontaneous people always have an eye out for opportunities. Most of us have a friend who seems to say “yes” to almost everything. You know the type, and chances are, they’ve done lots of random and interesting things (and they’ve probably over-committed themselves a few too many times, as well 😅). Life can get chaotic if you’re constantly saying “yes” to the people around you, so it may not be a surprise that spontaneous people can struggle with boundaries and balance. But you never know what opportunities can blossom from saying a simple “yes” in the first place. Yeses can lead to new friends, new jobs, new projects, big moves, and other benefits. 

Spontaneity breeds creativity. Oddly, my creative peaks seem to occur when I’m either A) in my spontaneous flow or B) sad, grieving, or heartbroken. I’m not sure what it is about sadness that spurs on creativity (I’ll probably explore that in a future post, though!), but spontaneity and creativity are an obvious match. Spontaneity is like oxygen for creativity. I used to get quite stressed about having large blocks of open time in my schedule (to be honest, that’s still a challenge for me). But now, I embrace those chunks to see what I can create with my free time. Everyone is different – but I’m easily exhausted by heavy days defined by lists, calendars, meetings, and to-dos. When I eventually have downtime on days like these, I’m not in my creative element – I’m just catching my breath! With that in mind, I schedule a couple of activities each day, but I generally leave for unexpected fun.

Deliberate or Spontaneous: Is One Better than the Other?

Like most of the topics I cover on this blog, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer. Deliberateness and spontaneity both have distinct advantages. It is worth mentioning, though, that the world often places deliberateness on a pedestal. As this writer points out, people often equate the idea of controlling one’s fate with having ambition. But truthfully, there are so many factors in life that we can’t control – no matter how hard we try. Perhaps ambition is more about controlling how you react to each twist and turn versus wrestling with God or the Universe for some specific outcome. 

In day-to-day life, I think a mix of deliberateness and spontaneity yields a happy medium. Going to school, participating in sports, and having other obligations exposes us all to the need for schedules, lists, deadlines, and responsibilities. But working within these confines doesn’t come naturally to people who crave novelty and spur-of-the-moment change. Of course, it’s hard to stay on track with goals in any manner if you shun planning, so there needs to be a balance. I like to leave a handful of hours open each day to accommodate whatever activity I’m in the mood for. If the weather is nice, maybe I’ll go out for a walk or a bike ride, or visit my horse. If it’s a chilly day, I’ll probably pick up one of my indoor projects or dive into a good book. Leaving flexibility in my day opens up possibilities and helps me feel excited about what’s to come. 

What do you think: is it better to be deliberate or spontaneous? Or do you also prefer a mix of both?